Teacher vs. Friend

As teachers, we learn that it’s important to have boundaries.  Don’t get too attached to your students, you can’t save everyone, you’re their teacher and not their friend, etc.  I knew from the start that this would be a bit of a challenge for me.  I am a person who cares too much.  Getting attached is what I do, and even though I understand rationally that I can’t save everyone, I still wish that I could.

I also know that I would not be where I am today if my college voice teacher had not gone far beyond what was required of her as my teacher, because she knew I was struggling and wanted to make sure I was ok.  I had a particularly rough patch during my first year of college.  My boyfriend at the time talked to his teacher about it, who shared his concern with my teacher, who summoned me into her office for a serious talk.  She was there for me when I desperately needed some level-headed guidance, and she continued to be there for me during the next four years.

I can’t even count the number of times I went to her office, crying, distraught over some boy who wasn’t treating me well, or friends who weren’t treating me well either.  When I was having relationship problems, she’d shake her head and tell me, “I’m sure glad I’m not young anymore,” and try to help me understand that the boy who kept hurting me was not worth my time.  When I had a falling out with a group of friends, she reminded me that the actions of other people should not determine my self worth.  I was an emotional mess, and she was a rock that kept me grounded and pulled me back when I’d start to get lost again.  She was so much more than just my teacher.  And she is one of several amazing music teachers I had who inspired me to become a teacher myself.

I know that I can’t get that involved with all of my students.  It wouldn’t be appropriate, and it would be emotionally exhausting.  It’s important to maintain that boundary of professionalism, because after all, I am the teacher.  It’s not my place to get involved.  With my younger students, it’s easy to stay in the role of teacher, because they see me as an adult.  It’s a little harder to maintain a professional distance with my older teenagers, because they see me as closer to their age (even though I’m older than I look), and a few of them want to treat me more like a friend than a teacher.  So I build up walls and boundaries and call it professionalism, I try not to care about them too much, because that’s how it has to be.  I am the teacher.

But if there’s one student that just really seems to need someone to talk to, if I can be there for her, then maybe I should.  When this student comes along who is so talented but doesn’t seem to believe it, all I want to do is make her believe in herself a little.  If I might be able to help her become a little less shy and a little more confident before she goes off to college next year, then why shouldn’t I?  I know what it’s like to be that student who just needs a little extra encouragement, and I can only imagine where I’d be if I hadn’t gotten that help when I needed it.  

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